evilmemo.com

Did You Get The Memo? Please Share It!

Ask a Short Bureaucratic Question…

46972077_a92296175d

And get a long bureaucratic answer, as below! Between core teams, steering committees, scrums (?), extended teams, and Champions…is there time for anything else?

From: <Redacted Big Wheel>

Sent: Monday, March 29, 2010 12:11 PM

To: <Redacted Big Group>

Subject: RE: February Product Target Alignment Touch Base

<Redacted>,

The core team is different than a steering committee in that its vision is more based on self-managing teams and alignment within the core contributors from each of the stakeholder teams, but without the need for senior leaders to be present for some potential approval.

There is a deck on core teams that will lay out the rationale etc. for the product core teams, which is almost ready to be shared. In the meantime, we began to try out the core team idea with a few programs where there seemed to be a need.

Over time, many of the steering committee meetings became stale and unproductive, although they started out very well. The focus seemed to become on whether or not SMT were present in order to be aligned with or approve what the team had already vetted and determined was the right course of action. The meetings became increasingly paralyzed as attendance became les regular in least in some of the steering committees.

Core teams are meant to be cross-functional and self-managing teams that are empowered to solve problems at that level whenever possible, to manage risks and issues early, to be proactive on a host of issues that might not normally be raised but at an executive review. At that point, the question would be, “Who is managing this stuff that it had to come here to be exposed?”

The amount of executive direction needed should decrease with the existence of a forum where all key team members can be brought up to speed on planning, releasing, managing issues, GTM, sales impediments, etc. Issues can be resolved there instead of in some executive deep dive where it becomes apparent that we all are not in sync.

Changes to roadmap, significant requests for additional funding, large changes in plans, new partner/vendor relationships would need to get approval at PRB or where appropriate an Executive Briefing.

This also differs from the Champion model, though the Champion model and core teams can be complimentary. The issue with the champion model from my research is that it is primary based on individual roles. The Exec Sponsor, the Champion, and the Operating owner and there is less of a cross-functional view. So, if the operating owner doesn’t engage well with the rest of the team, all kinds of disconnects seems to be the result. The core team has as its main principal that the product is managed with all stakeholder views being represented in decisions, raising concerns, resolving issues etc..

The core team is also different than the scrum team or even scrum of scrums, which in the scrum framework tends to focus on development. This could be thought of as an Extended team with a focus on development and managing the Technology deliverables.

As for attendance, I suggest at a minimum, the product manager, the product marketing manager, the Tech BA and/or PM, channel reps, Tech support and others on and as needed basis. Gotta run. More later,. ______________________________

_______________
From: <Redacted Little Guy>
Sent: Monday, March 29, 2010 8:45 AM
To: <Redacted Big Team>
Subject: RE: February Product Target Alignment Touch
Base

We talked about core team meetings on Friday, I have a
question — Is there any difference between core teams and steering
committees?

_____________________________________________
From: <Redacted Gal>
Sent: Friday, March 26, 2010 3:11 PM
To: <Redacted Big Group>
Subject: RE: February Product Target
Alignment Touch Base

Thanks to all who attended our Product
Target Alignment Meeting. Here are the action items from the meeting:

<Redacted Sixpack Guy> : We need to understand the Balboa
vs. HOL breakout. Not sure if this is relevant to the stakeholders for
this report.

<Redacted End of Alphabet Guy> : Kickoff “summit” of FR
stakeholders to discuss ways to further promote the product and
capitalize on the product’s high customer satisfaction rates
<Redacted Argentine Guy> : 1. Need to address AH reporting
questions in this report with <Redacted Team Member Names>.
2. For the MSFT
network, determine if something is “broken” with the distribution
channel strategy
3. SFDC look into upgrade problems from migration
customers and recommend an action plan to mitigate for future migrating
customers
<Redacted Guy I Saw at SXSW>: Look into price elasticity for
mobile. Will a lower price point get us into a top 25 list?

—–Original Appointment—–
From: <Redacted Gal>
Sent: Tuesday, March 16, 2010 2:56 PM
To: <Big Redacted Team>
Subject: February Product Target
Alignment Touch Base
When: Friday, March 26, 2010 1:30
PM-2:30 PM (GMT-06:00) Central Time (US & Canada).
Where: <Redacted Conference Room>
<Redacted Dial In Information>

<< File: <Redacted Filename>
>>
Hi Everyone -

This is the second pass at a Monthly
Product Target Alignment Meeting. <Redacted Sixpack Guy>

will send out February actuals by
Product and Channel shortly.

Just a reminder around process:

When you receive the February actuals
from <Redacted Sixpack Guy>, please meet with your core teams (Product Manager, Product
Marketing Manager) to discuss. Product Managers: you are responsible for
coordinating.

During the meeting, we will discuss what
is going right, what is going wrong. Come to the meeting with questions
or ideas in ways we can improve our product portfolio performance.

Photo by CaseyMRM

Remember Pants for the Tradeshow

Hi Team,

Attached are the digital versions of all the documents located in the binder minus the order forms.  Make sure you do not forget the following:

  1. PANTS
  2. <Redacted Company> shirts
  3. Shoes
  4. Business Cards
  5. Index Cards
  6. Flip Cams and sign
  7. Fishbowl
  8. Razors

IN addition, <redacted>  was kind enough to transport some additional items to the airport.  <Redacted>, here is the checklist if you need it.

-          2 Flip Cameras

-          Flip Camera Sign

-          Glass Jar for Biz Cards

-          Two binders with information

-          Three ziplocs with index cards

-          One ziploc full of GUM!

Please feel free to contact me at anytime 555-555-5555.  Safe travels and good luck!

<M. Redacted>

Fire Drill Results Memo

3942470298_2d5c05157c

Note the Red Exclam Point (Sent with High Importance).  Do NOT stop to pee!

From: Facilities
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 3:00 PM
To: All Employees; All Contractors; All Parent Company Employees, All Local Employees
Subject: Fire Drill Results
Importance: High

Folks,

As you are aware, we have just finished a fire drill.
Overall, things went very well however, there are always improvements
that can be made in these emergency drills.

While most of you were prompt and orderly in leaving the facility for
your designated evacuation area, some did lag behind to gather things,
stretch, or go to the restroom. This kind of behavior is unacceptable
and could be potentially hazardous if a real emergency were in progress.
It also slows our timing from great to simply good.

Secondly, we had small groups of people who did not move behind the
posted evacuation signs when asked to do so. While this may seem to be
“not a big deal,” it is in fact imperative that you do as instructed in
these drills so that we get an accurate idea of how we would respond in
a real fire or other threatening situation.

In closing we remind you that these drills and rules are for your
safety and the safety of those around you. Please take them seriously.

We thank you all for your efforts today.

Facilities

Photo by comedy_nose

Working From Home to Receive Chickens

3711118971_b16b88d6bf

From:<Redacted Sarcastic Team Member>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:27 PM
To: <Redacted>; team
Subject: RE: WFH after 10 tomorrow

Congrats to the proud father!!  This calls for a roast!

From: <Redacted Redacted>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:24 PM
To: team
Subject: WFH after 10 tomorrow

I’ll be working from home tomorrow after our 10am stand up in order to be there to receive delivery of 12 live chickens.

<Redacted>

Integration Specialist

———————————
<Redacted Company>

Please Produce Your Employee Handbook by the Next Full Moon

4268112079_2477d98670

Edina Huxtable says:

1. Those of you who can’t produce  your employee handbooks by the next full moon will forfeit 5 vacation days

2. To save time and wishy-washy behavior we’ll leave a message on the weather hotline the night before (BEFORE the storm even begins) telling everyone that we’re open

Re: Inclement Weather Policy

It appears from the number of questions that many of you have misplaced your Employee Handbooks; please make sure you have a copy.  It was given to each of you at your New Employee Orientation.  For your reference,  below is a copy of the company Inclement Weather Procedure.  Please call the Company Hotline 555 555-5555 tomorrow morning to determine whether or not we will be closed tomorrow.  We will post an updated status tomorrow morning by 7:15 AM.

Employees are expected to make a good faith effort to reach work on days of inclement weather as long as the Company is operating and does not declare an emergency closing. If an emergency closing is declared by state or local government, the Company will regard the day as a paid day.

Those Employees unable to report to work due to severe weather conditions should notify their Supervisors and will be granted an authorized absence that will be recorded as a vacation day.  Employees who are late in arriving due to inclement weather may make up the time as work schedules and conditions permit.

Photo by edinburghcityofprint

Bird Control

87628636_28628b0731

—–Original Message—–

From:

Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 4:50 PM

To:

Subject: Bird control

In an effort to control what has become a terrarium outside our office, ____________ will be using a water hose to try and deter the birds from constantly perching on our overhangs. This will not harm the birds as its only water.  Starting tomorrow morning and possibly throughout the day, they will be squirting the water from the roof down. Hopefully this won’t last long and won’t disturb you too much.

Thank you!

Photo by katmere

Begging for Beggies

2126072864_31e50b8325

Name (or make one up): Fairy Godmother

Subject: food note

Any Snarky Comments?: you know how congregations are always asking

for donations?   well…

Paste your evilmemo text here, OR…: ONEG GOODS NEEDED FOR

INTERFAITH SHABBAT ON FEBRUARY 26TH

We will need extra goodies for the oneg (party) for our Interfaith

Shabbat (religious service).  If you can bring fruit, beggies or

sweets  for the oneg (party), please contact Loretta, (555) 555-5555

and let her know.

Photo by D.A.K. Photography

Refrigerator Memo Re: Carcass

carcass


This note posted on a refrigerator in the “Nutrition Center”…
otherwise known as a kitchen/break room, at a Dallas TV station

‘Tis the Season for Empty Peanut Shells

HolidayPartyInvite

From: <Redacted>, Christine
Sent: Friday, November 13, 2009 10:31 AM
To: <Redacted>
Subject: Holiday Party Invitation
When: Friday, December 04, 2009 4:00 PM-8:00 PM (GMT-05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada).
Where: City Steam Brewery

Translation: In case you didn’t know, this is one bad economy.  As a consequence, this year’s holiday party will be in a bar at four in the afternoon. Of course, it’ll seem later, since at that time of year the sun goes down at 3:30.  Rather than steak au poivre and shrimp cocktail, we’ll be serving empty peanut shells.  But don’t worry, as a special treat there will be music!  And of course, who doesn’t love playing “fuzzball?”

Joe the Plumber Prays for Good Joints

From a church bulletin board…”Joe the Plumber Prays for Good Joints”

photo