evilmemo.com

Hi Team,

Attached are the digital versions of all the documents located in the binder minus the order forms.  Make sure you do not forget the following:

1. PANTS
2. <Redacted Company> shirts
3. Shoes
4. Business Cards
5. Index Cards
6. Flip Cams and sign
7. Fishbowl
8. Razors

IN addition, <redacted>  was kind enough to transport some additional items to the airport.  <Redacted>, here is the checklist if you need it.

-          2 Flip Cameras

-          Flip Camera Sign

-          Glass Jar for Biz Cards

-          Two binders with information

-          Three ziplocs with index cards

-          One ziploc full of GUM!

Please feel free to contact me at anytime 555-555-5555.  Safe travels and good luck!

<M. Redacted>

Note the Red Exclam Point (Sent with High Importance).  Do NOT stop to pee!

From: Facilities
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 3:00 PM
To: All Employees; All Contractors; All Parent Company Employees, All Local Employees
Subject: Fire Drill Results
Importance: High

Folks,

As you are aware, we have just finished a fire drill.
Overall, things went very well however, there are always improvements
that can be made in these emergency drills.

While most of you were prompt and orderly in leaving the facility for
your designated evacuation area, some did lag behind to gather things,
stretch, or go to the restroom. This kind of behavior is unacceptable
and could be potentially hazardous if a real emergency were in progress.
It also slows our timing from great to simply good.

Secondly, we had small groups of people who did not move behind the
posted evacuation signs when asked to do so. While this may seem to be
“not a big deal,” it is in fact imperative that you do as instructed in
these drills so that we get an accurate idea of how we would respond in
a real fire or other threatening situation.

In closing we remind you that these drills and rules are for your
safety and the safety of those around you. Please take them seriously.

We thank you all for your efforts today.

Facilities

Photo by comedy_nose

From:<Redacted Sarcastic Team Member>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:27 PM
To: <Redacted>; team
Subject: RE: WFH after 10 tomorrow

Congrats to the proud father!!  This calls for a roast!

From: <Redacted Redacted>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:24 PM
To: team
Subject: WFH after 10 tomorrow

I’ll be working from home tomorrow after our 10am stand up in order to be there to receive delivery of 12 live chickens.

<Redacted>

Integration Specialist

———————————
<Redacted Company>

Edina Huxtable says:

1. Those of you who can’t produce  your employee handbooks by the next full moon will forfeit 5 vacation days

2. To save time and wishy-washy behavior we’ll leave a message on the weather hotline the night before (BEFORE the storm even begins) telling everyone that we’re open

Re: Inclement Weather Policy

It appears from the number of questions that many of you have misplaced your Employee Handbooks; please make sure you have a copy.  It was given to each of you at your New Employee Orientation.  For your reference,  below is a copy of the company Inclement Weather Procedure.  Please call the Company Hotline 555 555-5555 tomorrow morning to determine whether or not we will be closed tomorrow.  We will post an updated status tomorrow morning by 7:15 AM.

Employees are expected to make a good faith effort to reach work on days of inclement weather as long as the Company is operating and does not declare an emergency closing. If an emergency closing is declared by state or local government, the Company will regard the day as a paid day.

Those Employees unable to report to work due to severe weather conditions should notify their Supervisors and will be granted an authorized absence that will be recorded as a vacation day.  Employees who are late in arriving due to inclement weather may make up the time as work schedules and conditions permit.

Photo by edinburghcityofprint

—–Original Message—–

From:

Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 4:50 PM

To:

Subject: Bird control

In an effort to control what has become a terrarium outside our office, ____________ will be using a water hose to try and deter the birds from constantly perching on our overhangs. This will not harm the birds as its only water.  Starting tomorrow morning and possibly throughout the day, they will be squirting the water from the roof down. Hopefully this won’t last long and won’t disturb you too much.

Thank you!

Photo by katmere

Name (or make one up): Fairy Godmother

Subject: food note

Any Snarky Comments?: you know how congregations are always asking

for donations?   well…

Paste your evilmemo text here, OR…: ONEG GOODS NEEDED FOR

INTERFAITH SHABBAT ON FEBRUARY 26TH

We will need extra goodies for the oneg (party) for our Interfaith

Shabbat (religious service).  If you can bring fruit, beggies or

sweets  for the oneg (party), please contact Loretta, (555) 555-5555

and let her know.

Photo by D.A.K. Photography

This note posted on a refrigerator in the “Nutrition Center”…
otherwise known as a kitchen/break room, at a Dallas TV station

From: <Redacted>, Christine
Sent: Friday, November 13, 2009 10:31 AM
To: <Redacted>
Subject: Holiday Party Invitation
When: Friday, December 04, 2009 4:00 PM-8:00 PM (GMT-05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada).
Where: City Steam Brewery

Translation: In case you didn’t know, this is one bad economy.  As a consequence, this year’s holiday party will be in a bar at four in the afternoon. Of course, it’ll seem later, since at that time of year the sun goes down at 3:30.  Rather than steak au poivre and shrimp cocktail, we’ll be serving empty peanut shells.  But don’t worry, as a special treat there will be music!  And of course, who doesn’t love playing “fuzzball?”

From a church bulletin board…”Joe the Plumber Prays for Good Joints”

Wow sounds like fun, and I guess the less than 24 hour lead time is part of the contest challenge?! My costume selection doesn’t include many “work friendly” costumes.

Best Regards,

Amanda <Redacted>

———————————

From: Melissa <Redacted>
Sent: Thursday, October 29, 2009 12:19 PM
To: team
Subject: HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Hello Team!

In honor of Halloween, tomorrow we will be having a costume competition!

Everyone will serve as judges and those who dress up will be in the running for a $50 gift certificate of your choice!  The winner will be decided through a secret ballot system and will be announced in the afternoon.

Please keep costumes somewhat appropriate (Marc) and have fun with it!

Look forward to seeing everyone’s fantastic costumes tomorrow.

Melissa