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Entries for February, 2010

Remember Pants for the Tradeshow

Hi Team,
Attached are the digital versions of all the documents located in the binder minus the order forms.  Make sure you do not forget the following:

PANTS
<Redacted Company> shirts
Shoes
Business Cards
Index Cards
Flip Cams and sign
Fishbowl
Razors

IN addition, <redacted>  was kind enough to transport some additional items to the airport.  <Redacted>, here is the checklist if you need it.
-          [...]

Fire Drill Results Memo

Note the Red Exclam Point (Sent with High Importance).  Do NOT stop to pee!
From: Facilities
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 3:00 PM
To: All Employees; All Contractors; All Parent Company Employees, All Local Employees
Subject: Fire Drill Results
Importance: High
Folks,
As you are aware, we have just finished a fire drill.
Overall, things went very well however, there are always improvements
that [...]

Working From Home to Receive Chickens

From:<Redacted Sarcastic Team Member>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:27 PM
To: <Redacted>; team
Subject: RE: WFH after 10 tomorrow
Congrats to the proud father!!  This calls for a roast!
From: <Redacted Redacted>
Sent: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 4:24 PM
To: team
Subject: WFH after 10 tomorrow
I’ll be working from home tomorrow after our 10am stand up in order to be there to [...]

Please Produce Your Employee Handbook by the Next Full Moon

Edina Huxtable says:
1. Those of you who can’t produce  your employee handbooks by the next full moon will forfeit 5 vacation days
2. To save time and wishy-washy behavior we’ll leave a message on the weather hotline the night before (BEFORE the storm even begins) telling everyone that we’re open
Re: Inclement Weather Policy
It appears from the [...]

Bird Control

—–Original Message—–
From:
Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 4:50 PM
To:
Subject: Bird control
In an effort to control what has become a terrarium outside our office, ____________ will be using a water hose to try and deter the birds from constantly perching on our overhangs. This will not harm the birds as its only water.  Starting tomorrow morning and [...]

Begging for Beggies

Name (or make one up): Fairy Godmother
Subject: food note
Any Snarky Comments?: you know how congregations are always asking
for donations?   well…
Paste your evilmemo text here, OR…: ONEG GOODS NEEDED FOR
INTERFAITH SHABBAT ON FEBRUARY 26TH
We will need extra goodies for the oneg (party) for our Interfaith
Shabbat (religious service).  If you can bring fruit, beggies or
sweets  for the [...]